
If you have ever awoken on the beach you know what I’m talking about. It’s like I was aware of the waves crashing in my ears and in my bones before my eyes could see them. A steady wind pushed against the front my chest, making me stand up straighter. Cold water sloshed around my bare ankles. I looked down and saw that I was walking barefoot in the surf. The cuffs of my blue jeans were rolled up so as to keep them from getting wet. The cuffs of my white button down shirt were likewise rolled. I was wearing brown sunglasses that were stained that were filmed over from the salt spray in the air. I could feel my brown hair whipping behind me in the wind. The sun was to my right and the ocean to my left but that was wrong. After all,the beach I was walking was clearly located on the Jersey shore-I could see the boardwalks and amusement parks of Asbury Park as grey monoliths in the distance-it was morning yet a sun in the western sky said otherwise. For a moment I was afraid. It was too cold and windy to feel the sun yet I knew it was browning the skin on my face. I enjoyed the blending of so many sensations.
Something made me look over my left shoulder. I saw two sets of footprints in the sand. I wasn’t alone. Suddenly I became aware that I was in the presence of God. I knew that he was there the whole time and yet I became aware of him only in that instance. He walked straight ahead and didn’t look at me. He was dressed like Franciscan Friar from the 14th century. He had a considerable paunch but huge strong brown hands. He wore a Rolex Watch and a pair of mirror tinted Aviator sunglasses. His face was sunburned and deeply lined. His salt and pepper hair was tossed in the breeze. His face struck me as oddly familiar until I realized that it was the face of Ernest Hemingway.
"You’re a smart boy-you know that I don’t really look like this. Just your expectations, kid."
"Who are you?"
"Don’t be dense."
"Ok, what am I supposed to call you?"
"Just call me Father, or Lord or better yet, just use the 2nd person. It kind of skirts the issue of names, if you know what I mean, Rich."
"I think I do."
"Ok, here’s the deal. This is kind of like a survey. We usually do these when a person’s life is half over."
"My life is HALF OVER?!? I’m TWENTY EIGHT!"
"Sorry, kid. Bad luck. Still most people during the Dark Ages were dead by 28, so from a certain perspective you get two lives. Also, you’ve got more years coming to you than most people in the third world. Believe me, all those little kids in the Sally Struthers commercials don’t live nearly as long as 56 and never get any of the opportunities that you’ve had."
"What happens to me when I’m 56?"
"Heart Attack."
"Will it hurt?"
"Uh, yeah, like a bitch. It kills you, remember? But its only for a few hours, then you’ll be dead. Could be worse. Cancer, for example, has a tendency to linger with a man."
"But what if I eat better and go to the gym and stuff like that?"
"You won’t. You’re not even going to remember this dream. Free will, kid. If you got to remember this little Q&A I would be affecting the course of your life and that’s against the rules."
"Then what’s the point?"
"It’s not for you. It’s for me. I want to know what you have thought of your life so far."
"But why are you asking me that? You’re God, don’t you already know what I think?"
"Nah. I know what you’ve done, what you’re gonna do and how the world is gonna end but I don’t know what you’re thinking."
"Can I ask you a question?"
"That depends, will it bother you if you’re not going to remember the answer?"
"I guess not."
"Then I guess it doesn’t bother me either."
"OK. Why do you do it? I mean why the world. Why us? What do you get out of it?"
"Watch this." With that he took off his shades, turned and faced the ocean, crossed his arms and nodded his head like Barbara Eden from "I Dream of Genie." He even made the "boing!" noise. With that the ocean rolled back. The surf pulled rapidly down the shallow grade of the shore leaving behind shallow pools of water in which fish flopped and crabs wrestled with one another. The water pulled back further and further like a somersault in reverse. The waterline was hundreds of yards back, then miles away until before me stood a vast field of mud. I could see the dripping, soggy wrecks of a few small boats and many a flopping, suffocating fish.
"Pretty cool, huh? Looks like you could walk to Spain, right? I remember when you really could. Of course that was several hundred million years ago but I still remember it. Ok watch, here comes the good part."
From the horizon rose a wall of water. It towered higher than anything I had ever seen. It was taller than the skyscrapers of Manhattan and taller than mountains. I mean it was miles high. It rose with a deadly stubbornness that indicated it meant bad and nothing and everything that was in its way was going to be utterly destroyed. I started running away and screaming.
"Don’t bother," God said "It’s not going to stop until it hits the Mississippi. Come here and grab my arm." I huddled close to him as the wall of water approached larger and faster. The sky was blotted out finally and a hurricane force gale whipped against us as the water pushed the wind before it. In a rush of sound and darkness it was up and over our heads. I expected to be annihilated by the water but I found myself instead standing inside a bubble. I looked up and I could see the surface of the water far ahead, lit up by sunshine.
"Close your eyes." He said.
I did as I was told. Suddenly there we were again, standing on the same beach. Nothing whatsoever had happened.
"You should have seen the one from the asteroid that wiped out the dinosaurs. Terrifying. You see, son, I can do that at will. I have all the power in the world and I can wink the whole thing out of existence if I choose to. I do not choose too, however. I set the whole thing in motion, gave it its recipe, as it were. I knew what was going to happen like I know how it will end but I didn’t choose any of it. I don’t interfere. Some of the moments of your history I rather relish, like when the Wright Brothers got the hang of flying or watching the masters of the Renaissance. Other moments I keep hoping will change, like the Holocaust. Like a movie I’ve seen an infinite amount of times I know what’s going to happen but I still want the bad parts to change. Now you tell me, why do you think I do it?"
"Boredom?"
"That’s right! Very good! What is the one thing that I know nothing whatsoever about?"
"Mortality?"
"Yes. Right again. I know what its like to suffer but not what its like to truly face death, the unknown or powerlessness. As a perfect being I am curious about the finite. You see, even angels bore me compared to you people because they never face what you people face. Your limitations, you mortality and all of the things that come with it make you noble and beautiful. Do you understand?"
"Yes, I think I do. Are you sure I really don’t get to remember any of it?"
"Sorry kid, if you knew that much then it would change your actions and alter the course of the future. I can’t allow that. If its any consolation, though, you have a pretty good idea of the universe. Better than most people. Everyone always pictures me floating on a cloud with a harp. I hate that image. Did you ever see the family guy episodes that have glimpses of me? Those are hilarious. I love the one where I’m at a bar trying to impress girls by lighting their cigarettes with lightning bolts. Funny stuff."
"Yeah I did see those. I never figured you would appreciate them, though."
"See, you people have me all wrong. I have all the time and power in the world. I would never get through infinity without being laid back and having a good sense of humor. Now, its time for you to answer my question. Your life is half over. I want to know what you think of it so far."
"What do I think? It’s a tough one. You see when you mentioned the whole thing before about not interfering with free will; I always understood that. I never blamed you for not preventing earthquakes or saving people from hurricanes. I understand that it’s not your job to do that. People make their own way in this world and sometimes bad shit happens. Pardon my French."
"Don’t worry about it."
"What bugs me about life is the impermanence of everything. I hate that everything has to inevitable change and give way to something else. I hate it how we all die or grow bored with one another and move around like dust. I feel like life, civilization and all is like a series of sandcastles getting swallowed up one after another by an ever rising sea. Some things should change but not everything. It always feels like everything’s slipping away. Did you ever read To the Lighthouse by Virginia Woolf?"
"I have it memorized, yes."
"OK, well she kind of touches on the impermanence of life in that book. She describes reality as an ever slithering serpent with iridescent scales that shimmer brilliantly in the sunshine but that never look the same way twice. I love how delicate and fleeting reality can be, like gossamer but sometimes it hurts so much."
"Yeah, I get the concept. I’m sorry if change hurts you the way it always does. I really am. Your capacity for sensitivity and your desire for stability will always be at odds with the impermanence of reality. It’s all about rotation. I have to keep the world changing to accommodate new people, life forms or ideas. You humans think you have the concept of infinity pegged but you really don’t. You think of infinity as what happens when you place two mirrors parallel facing one another. That’s a stupid parlor trick-its not infinity. Infinity means just that, forever, the universe and time without boundaries. Infinity is what happens when you place zero in the denominator of a fraction. It is a stupid, brutal and cold concept but it is perfection itself. Human beings strive, fail, improve and try to perfect but never quite succeed. The human race is approaching an asymptote that is perfection but you will never reach it. Do you know why?"
"No."
"Because I am the asymptote."
"OK. So you’re saying that the point of the whole thing is the striving for, not the reaching of perfection."
"Exactly. Perfection is boring, kid, trust me. So is stagnation, however, so it’s always onward and upward with new generations constantly pushing the boundaries of the possible. Now finish your answer. What do you love about life?"
"Oh God, huh huh, you know what I mean…Oh Wow. There are many things that I love about life. I love the glassy covering on trees after an ice storm. I love a cup of coffee on a sunny winter morning. I love honey, and cheese and meat loaf! What else? Oh I love women, I mean I LOVE women. You really nailed that one. I think that most men agree that women are what really make life worth it. In the teeter-totter question as to whether its better to live or not, you know, Hamlet’s "To Be or Not to Be," its women that tip the scales in favor of life. I mean their hair! Their bodies and their legs. They are these feline, soft angels walking the earth."
"Yeah, I know what you mean. I knew I couldn’t get you people to do anything with motivating you with sex, food and good weather. Go on."
"I love my mind. I love learning, questioning and grasping. I never believed what so many religions say, that you don’t want us to question. You gave us these brains, you want us to use them, right?"
"Naturally. The proscription against free-thought has always been a political thing. I want you to be curious. To take a walk around this world. I feel that its only by looking at the painting as a whole that you will see the signature in the corner."
"I try to. I really do. I mean its easy to believe talking to you face to face but I never bought the logic of the whole "order of the universe" thing. It doesn’t make any sense to me. I mean who is to say that the universe is logical. Maybe it isn’t logical at all. There’s waste in nature. Every species that fails and dies is a waste. The emptiness of the cosmos is a waste. Photosynthesis is only 97% efficient, that’s waste. I can’t approach you though seeing patter in the universe. The only strong grip that you ever had on my mind was the basic question."
"Why is it all here?"
"Yup."
"Yeah, I know what you mean. You have been stubborn and sometimes downright hurtful. I feel like every time you deny my existence you are forgetting the sunrises over the Atlantic and the fields full of sunflowers and Adrianna Lima’s body."
"Nice."
"Yeah, some of those underwear models are really fine pieces of workmanship. But go on, what else do you love? I mean what do you love most?"
"There are a few things. I love overcoming my own fear and growing because of it. I love to face danger and the unknown. I love creating something new. I love my own ability as a writer and as a teacher. And most of all I love love itself. I love the women in my life and my friends. I love my family and my hometown and my highschool football team. I love my old cat."
"Oh, yeah, Guy. Come here boy, pssss pssss psss." God snapped his fingers and suddenly I looked down and there was my old cat Guy, rubbing against my pant legs. He was meowing in that deep voiced way that I could always hear across the house as a child. He looked as he did when he was healthiest, not the old rickety ruin that we had put to sleep when I was in college. His black and white tuxedo pattern shone brilliantly in the sun. His bright green eyes were filled with light, love and wisdom. I dropped to my knees and pulled him into my arms. I held him so close and kissed him over and over on his soft fur, and his ears. I sobbed as I did so.
"Thanks for answering my questions."
I woke alone in the darkness with that resonant voice in my ears. I recall the last thing he said and nothing else. My pillow was covered with sweat and tears and I felt an indescribable sadness.
Pictures Of Cell Phones